08.11.09 - 11:25

I rarley have regrets. Life is too short. I do however have doubts. I wonder if I did the right thing. This isn't to be confused. I won't regret it, I had no other options. I can't see one now.

I feel betrayed and defeated, most of all by myself. Finacially it wasn't viable and emotionally it was a fulltime job. It was my job though I did what had to be done. Others disagree but I won't argue, because in truth it's more than that it's a responsibility.

I wonder if I gave up too easy. I screamed and fought and came short of breaking down a little. I can be said that I'm not the first, that doesn't matter. I won't judge the actions of others, only my own. I didn't do anything to make it better. I could say the cost was too great, But I don't know that. When it got tough I bailed, maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I was just too much of a coward to do what was required, to fight the battles that needed to be fought.

I don't know if I did the right thing, again I doubt it. But atleast I felt passionate about it. I was either enraged or broken with the dramaqueen in me playing out some unrealistic slit wrist fantasy. Now I just want to curl up and fade away.

This is my pathetic emo scrawling. I apologize.

Two Steps Back - One Step Forward